Stolen Moments

What happened, happened once. So now it’s best
in memory – an orange he sliced: the skin
unbroken, then the knife, the chilled wedge
lifted to my mouth, his mouth, the thin
membrane between us, the exquisite orange,
tongue, orange, my nakedness and his,
the way he pushed me up against the fridge –
Now I get to feel his hands again, the kiss
that didn’t last, but sent some neural twin
flashing wildly through the cortex. Love’s
merciless, the way it travels in
and keeps emitting light. Beside the stove
we ate an orange. And there were purple flowers
on the table. And we still had hours.

By Kim Addonizio

The Love Cook

Let me cook you some dinner.
Sit down and take off your shoes
and socks and in fact the rest
of your clothes, have a daiquiri,
turn on some music and dance
around the house, inside and out,
it’s night and the neighbors
are sleeping, those dolts, and
the stars are shining bright,
and I’ve got the burners lit
for you, you hungry thing.

By Ron Padgett
Taken from You Never Know

Home Visit

Swollen sun,

a bald man opens the door,

naked.

Feedback

The old woman,

flashed her middle finger skyward,

and it started to rain.

Quote Of The Day

If you want to jump higher or further, you must be willing to bend your knees.

Alson Teo

Poem 1 From Twenty Poems of Love

Body of a woman, white hills, white thighs,
you look like a world, lying in surrender.
My rough peasant’s body digs in you
And makes the son leap from the depth of the earth.

I only was a tunnel. The birds fled from me,
and night swamped me with its crushing invasion.
To survive myself I forged you like a weapon,
like an arrow in my bow, a stone in my sling.

But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you.
Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk.
Oh the goblets of the breasts! Oh the eyes of absence!
Oh the roses of thee pubis! Oh your voice, slow and sad!

Body of a woman, I will persist in your grace.
My thirst, my boundless desire, my shifting road.
Dark river-beds where the eternal thirst flows
And weariness follows, and the infinite ache.

Pablo Neruda (1904 – 1973)
(Translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin)

Two Baby Hands by Gilbert Koh

Go get it! This is a MUST have poetry book!

The Revenant

I am the dog you put to sleep,
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,
come back to tell you this simple thing:
I never liked you – not one bit.

When I licked your face,
I thought of biting off your nose.
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

I resented the way you moved,
your lack of animal grace,
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,
a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.

I would have run away,
but I was too weak, a trick you taught me
while I was learning to sit and heel,
and – greatest of insults – shake hands without a hand.

I admit the sight of the leash
would excite me
but only because it meant I was about
to smell things you had never touched.

You do not want to believe this,
but I have no reasons to lie.
I hated the car, the rubber toys,
disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.

The jingling of my tags drove me mad.
You always scratched me in the wrong place.
All I ever wanted from you
was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.

While you slept, I watched you breathe
as the moon rose in the sky.
It took all of my strength
not to raise my head and howl.

Now I am free of the collar,
the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,
the absurdity of your lawn,
and that is all you need to know about this place

expect what you already supposed
and are glad it did not happen sooner –
that everyone here can read and write,
the dogs in poetry, the cats and all the others in prose.

By Billy Collins

Taken from The Trouble With Poetry

Take a stroll along the beach with me

Out of boredom, I took a quiz “Who is your perfect match?” yesterday in my Facebook account. And here is the result,

Intelligent Thinker

Your perfect match is someone who is kind, creative and quiet. This person is a thinker, someone who enjoys observing and analyzing the world. This type of person is content to let you do all the talking, yet is intelligent and bright and can contribute a wealth of knowledge to any conversation. While this person might seem aloof or even shy, once you get to know them, they are incredibly interesting, full of life and their serious side will compliment your more out-going nature. The top traits they are looking for in a mate include someone who is supportive, compassionate and understands their introverted nature. While this person might be somewhat skeptical that love exists because they are not big risk-takers and the choose their friends cautiously, deep down they are ready and eager to fall in love and will fall deeply for you, forming a deep and eternal bond.

Afterthought

Either I am feeling extremely bored or I have been watching too many Korean drama series. But have you ever asked yourself, what makes a perfect spouse? Is there such a person in the first place? If not, why do so many of us take such a long time to tie the knot? Maybe we want to believe that such person does exist, and he/she is waiting for us somewhere out there. Sooner or later when the time is right, we will eventually meet. How romantic.

If I can select my perfect spouse, what kind of person will she be like? What about a soulmate? According to Wikipedia ,

“Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.”

Sound too perfect for me.

Or maybe she is my best friend? Or someone who shares my goals, dreams, faith, has similar interests, etc? Or maybe she is like my clone? I have been thinking about it, wouldn’t it be cool to meet a female version of me?

Or she is someone totally different from me?

I’ve discussed this question with my wife on a few occasions and we have come to a conclusion. We have almost nothing in common although we both like watching Korean drama, enjoy good food, strolling along the beach, etc. However, we don't share the same hobbies, goals, religions, etc, and she doesn't even read my blog and that is why I can crap about my mother-in-law.

But we are very good friends. We are very comfortable with each other. We trust and support each other and most importantly, we give each other the personal space so badly needed for one to grow, and to be true to oneself. That to me is one of the most precious gifts you can give to your loved ones.

Guess she is not my perfect spouse but she is good enough for me. Thank you my dear.

Fishbones Dreaming

Fishbones lay in the smelly bin.
He was a head, a backbone and a tail.
Soon the cats would be in for him.

He didn’t like to be this way.
He shut his eyes and dreamed back.

Back to when he was fat, and hot on a plate.
Beside green beans, with lemon juice
squeezed on him. And a man with a knife
and fork raised, about to eat him.

He didn’t like to be this way.
He shut his eyes and dreamed back.

Back to when he was frozen in the freezer.
With lamb cutlets and minced beef and prawns.
Three month he was in there.

He didn’t like to be this way.
He shut his eyes and dreamed back.

Back to when he was squirming in a net,
with thousands of other fish, on the deck
of a boat. And the rain falling
Wasn’t wet enough to breathe in.

He didn’t like to be this way.
He shut his eyes and dreamed back.

Back to when he was darting through the sea,
past crabs and jellyfish, and others
likes himself. Or surfacing to jump for flies
And feel the sun on his face.

He liked to be this way.
He dreamed hard to try and stay there.

By Matthew Sweeney


Afterthought

This is really a depressing poem. When I am dying on my deathbed, would I be also dreaming about my past?

Take This Job And Shove It!

Deathbed Test

Imagine yourself on your deathbed. From that vantage point, look back at what you did for a living.

Was it worth it?

You got three options:

i) Keep your job and seethe.
ii) Keep it and stop seething.
iii) Switch.

Keeping it and seething is simplest. Chances are, you’re already doing this. It affords you the frisson of venting – without having to risk anything or move a muscle. The ready-made “lazy and afraid” career-management strategy is staying and seething.

Staying without seething requires effort: the inner workout of exercising optimism and patience, of finding silver linings when your impulse is to shout “Take this job and shove it!”

Switching is the most strenuous workout of all. It’s not just mentally and physically hard but also terrifying, as it means learning new skills and routines and agreeing to take orders from and get along with a new set of strangers.

Yet switching is also easy in at least one sense. If one keeps switching at the first sign of dissatisfaction, one need never learn resilience, patience, or endurance. One is never forced to find inner peace. Instead, one just escapes – perhaps to face the same problems again in the next workplace. In which case one is not stuck in a job, per se, but stuck on starting over – stuck more on discontent, on the idea of being stuck at work, than actually stuck at work.

Taken from Stuck: Why We Can’t (or Won’t) Move On by Anneli Rufus

Afterthought

Two things caught my attention when I was reading this particular section a few days ago. Firstly the question

“Was it worth it?”

I love going for what I call “personal retreat” and during these retreats, I will take the opportunities to reflect on my past, analyze the present, and plan for the future. Occasionally I might simply do nothing, take long naps, go for walks, etc. But if I am in a reflective mood, one of the few questions I will always ask myself will be “Was it worth it?”

What do I mean by that?

I like to see life as a constant struggle between gain and sacrifice. For example, are you willing to spend more time at work and thus sacrificing the time spend with your loved ones? When will you realize that it is no longer worth it? When you no longer have time for dinner with them? When you realized that you hardly know the person lying next to you? Or when your idea of keeping in touch with your friends is sending them sms during festival seasons such as Christmas Day?

What about your health? How do you know it is no longer worth it to work through the nights so that you are able to meet the deadline the next day? Sure, you are a responsible person. You have to answer to the management. You will not allow yourself to be perceived as someone who is inefficient, someone who is unable to take stress, in a nutshell - a weakling.

Yesterday I could not made up my mind between spending Valentine's Day with my wife and going back to office to clear my reports. After some thought, I apologized to her and explained that as a responsible officer, I need to meet the deadline given by the management. My wife turned around, looked into my eyes and said, “You are responsible for me too.” I was totally caught off guard by her comment and we spend a wonderful Valentine's Day together. :)

Secondly the author is right,

"If one keeps switching at the first sign of dissatisfaction, one need never learn resilience, patience, or endurance. One is never forced to find inner peace."

There is no running away from heavy workloads, bitchy bosses, backstabbing colleagues, demanding clients, irritating emails/phone calls, etc. So what are you going to do about them? Trying to run away from your problems is like assuming that if you run away today, you will be problem-free for the rest of your life.

But guess who created all these problems? You and me, who else? We just can’t stop creating problems. World peace is an illusion. Go ask the politicians.

So what is the solution? According to the author, we have to find our inner peace. But the definition of inner peace is very subjective. What constitute as inner peace for a serial killer will be very different from my barber, I hope.

Well I am still in the process of finding my inner peace. And sure I am still working hard on my deadline, but not the usual deadline. We all have a date with Death. So before Death comes knocking on my door, I am going to do as much as I can to make my life worthwhile. And when I am on my deathbed, I can proudly look back and says, “It was all worth it.”

What about you?

Sit On Your Butt And Breathe

I have recently finished reading A Thousand Paths to Zen by Robert Allen. The following are some of the quotes I find interesting.

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1. To get rid of your passions is not nirvana – to look upon them as no matter of yours, that is nirvana.

2. Zen poet Seiken-Chiju spent twenty years on a pilgrimage only to realize he had not moved an inch.

3. The less there is me, the more there is Zen. The more there is Zen, the more there is me.

4. How many things I can do without! – Socrates

5. When an ordinary man acquires knowledge, he becomes wise. When a wise man attains enlightenment, he becomes ordinary.

6. The master asked, “Who binds you?”
The pupil replied, “No one.”
The master rejoined, “So why do you seek liberation?”

7. “While I was meditating,” said the new student, “I saw a beautiful white bird come down and land on my head.”
“Leaving you with feathers for brain,” observed her teacher.

8. I asked a child, walking with a candle, “Where does the light come from?” Instantly he blew it out. “Tell me where it’s gone and I’ll tell you where it came from.” – Hasan of Basra

9. A Japanese girl called Satsume experienced an awakening while still only in her teens. One day her father found her seated on one of the scriptures meditating and scolded her for her disrespect. “How,” she replied, “does this scripture differ from my butt?”

10. If you want excitement, set fire to your pants. Zen isn’t about excitement.

11. As long as you seek enlightenment you will never see that you already have it.

12. Some people call Zen a ‘Way of Liberation,” which sounds very impressive, but who is to be liberated, and from what?

13. Zen isn’t the answer to all your problems – Zen is all your problems.

14. Even the greatest master never taught one word of Zen.

15. There’s nothing in this world that you can cling to. But how hard it is to let go!

16. Do as much good as you can, but do not be attached to doing good. It is not an aim in itself.

17. Don’t expect to understand Zen like a piece of conventional knowledge. It’s more like when you get the point of a joke.

18. Zen doesn’t make sense. But then life is under no obligation to make sense.

19. Seek a teacher if you wish, but you will only make progress when you realize that your real master stares at you from the mirror every day.

20. Anyone who tries helpfully to explain Zen to you is doing you a grave disservice.

21. Do not avoid life. Zen is not about drinking weak tea in musty parlors.

22. There is a story of a Zen student who cut his arm off to persuade a master that he was sincere enough to become his pupil. Why pay such a price for what is yours already?

23. It’s no good wishing you were someplace else, doing something else. This is where you are, doing what you have to do. Relax. Do it. Everything else is superfluous.

24. A friend asked, “In your Zen where do you go when you die?” There is nowhere to go.

25. Give something a name and you set limits on it. The name Zen is merely a convenience because you need to call it something. But people tend to confuse the name with the real thing and that can only lead to trouble.

26. It’s no good trying to be good, kind, and virtuous unless that is how you feel. The world has enough hypocrites. Let Zen fill you up and morality will take care of itself.

27. If you can’t get it, throw it out. Then you’ll have it.

28. Searching for Zen is like an old man using his spectacles to hunt for his spectacles.

29. There are no rules in Zen except that you keep exploring. If you think you’ve reached your destination you haven’t.

30. When someone makes a silly inconsequential remark and a friend says, “That’s very Zen” – it isn’t.

Everything Happens For a Reason

A few days ago I tried getting a cab as I was really late for an appointment. After waiting for almost an hour I gave up and took a train instead. I could have called a cab, but being a stubborn person, well… On the way to my appointment I was cursing my luck, feeling miserable and down. It was not exactly how I wanted to start my day.

During lunchtime, while fumbling for my wallet, I realized I have left it at home. It suddenly occurred to me that if I have managed to get a cab in the morning, I would not have been able to pay for the fare. Gosh, it would be really embarrassing!

Currently my department is in a mess, morale is low, workloads are increasing, etc. To add insult to injury, the management is treating us like children, threatening to punish us with disciplinary actions for making minor mistakes, etc. I won’t be surprised if we might have to seek permission to take a piss in the future.

I really hope things will turn out well in the end and all these misery happened for a good reason. But I have a bad feeling that it won’t be long before someone feels that enough is enough and tenders his/her resignation, followed by another, and another ...

Wishing You a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

Snowflake

Timing’s everything. The vapor rises
high in the sky, tossing to and fro,
then freezes, suddenly, and crystallizes
into a perfect flake of miraculous snow.
For countless miles, drifting east above
the world, whirling about in a swirling free-
for-all, appearing aimless, just like love,
but sensing, seeking out, its destiny.
Falling to where the two young skaters stand,
hand in hand, then flips and dips and whips
itself about to ever-so-gently land,
a miracle, across her unkissed lips:
as he blocks the wind raging from the south,
leaning forward to kiss her lovely mouth.

William Baer

It feels good to fall in love with life again isn't it? :)

And This Too Shall Pass

One day King Solomon decided to humble Benaiah ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it."

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." King Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of he poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said King Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and King Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" As soon as King Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words "_Gam zeh ya'avor_" -- "This too shall pass."

At that moment King Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.

Do You Think I Am A Serious Person?

A few months ago my GM asked me to act my age [I am 36 years old]. Recently, I send an sms to a female colleague and ended the message with “Muhahahaha!!!" She is still recovering from the shock. Apparently, she has always considered me as a serious person with little sense of humour. [Hmm. I should have added ‘Kekekeke’, okiee, etc. in my sms.]

Out of curiosity, I decided to get some feedbacks from my friends/colleagues. Below are their sms replies to my question “Do you think I am a serious person?”

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1) Yes, I think you are a serious person but serious in a positive sense.

2) Frankly, you are serious when it comes to work but as a person you can be playful.

3) I don’t think you are serious, but you like to do well in what you do, so some people might see this as being too serious.

4) Hard to explain. You know when to be serious and when to be playful.

5) I think you are seriously ill. Let me do a full checkup for you.

6) Basically you are not a serious person but you may at times take things too seriously.

7) You are not serious but you do have a unique sense of humour.

8) Not really serious, more like focus.

9) 60 % Serious, 40 % Playful.

10) Ya kind of. But you do have a weird funny side to you in hiding.

11) Serious most of the times but occasionally a bit too lame.

12) No, you can be crappy if you want to.

13) Not really.

14) You must be joking.

Senior Management. Muhahahaha!!!

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905 - 2004)


Afterthought

Hang on to your life, or whatever that is left.

From June to October this year, 5 officers from my department have either resigned or being transferred out. A few days ago, 2 more officers have tendered their resignation. In all, more than 40% of the original strength has left without any replacement. The management has been asking the remaining officers to hang on and assured us that help is on its way. Unfortunately, they told us the same thing back in June.

Out of frustration, I made the above poster this morning and pinned it on my workstation. I am not sure what the management will think of it but I really don’t give a damn. I am quite sick of those feel-good posters such as ‘Be Positive’, ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy!’ blah, blah, blah.

The Poetry of Magic

The first magic book I bought was Theodore Annemann’s Practical Mental Magic. There are various types of magic but personally I prefer Mentalism. The temptation of appearing to be able to read someone’s mind is simply too cool to resist.

Card tricks that do not require difficult sleight of hand but have powerful effects are also my favourites. In fact, the first time I performed for my colleagues, about 15 – 20 of them, was my version of “Do as I do”. They really loved it! One of my colleagues later told me that she knows how the trick was done but she really prefers my version.

Currently I am in the process of planning two magic routines for my department. I have no ambition to be a magician and my sole goal is to entertain my family members and friends.

Frankly magic is an expensive hobby but seeing how much joy my audience derive from watching my performances, I think it is all worth it. :)

P.S. By the way my wife hates this image and insists that the eyes are evil. What do you think?

The Listeners

"Is there anybody there?" said the Traveller,
Knocking on the moonlit door;
And his horse in the silence champed the grass
Of the forest's ferny floor;
And a bird flew up out of the turret,
Above the Traveller's head:
And he smote upon the door again a second time;
"Is there anybody there?" he said.
But no one descended to the Traveller;
No head from the leaf-fringed sill
Leaned over and looked into his grey eyes,
Where he stood perplexed and still.
But only a host of phantom listeners
That dwelt in the lone house then
Stood listening in the quiet of the moonlight
To that voice from the world of men:
Stood thronging the faint moonbeams on the dark stair,
That goes down to the empty hall,
Hearkening in an air stirred and shaken
By the lonely Traveller's call.
And he felt in his heart their strangeness,
Their stillness answering his cry,
While his horse moved, cropping the dark turf,
'Neath the starred and leafy sky;
For he suddenly smote on the door, even
Louder, and lifted his head:--
"Tell them I came, and no one answered,
That I kept my word," he said.
Never the least stir made the listeners,
Though every word he spake
Fell echoing through the shadowiness of the still house
From the one man left awake:
Ay, they heard his foot upon the stirrup,
And the sound of iron on stone,
And how the silence surged softly backward,
When the plunging hoofs were gone.

By Walter De La Mare (1873 - 1956)

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs

I received this from my colleague via email this morning, and it reminds me of the amazing qualities of the human brain. Check this out.

"Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this psas it on !! "

So how about applying this to a poem? Will you still be about to read it? Let’s see.

Lesovilet of teres, the cerhry now

Lesovilet of teres, the cerhry now
Is hnug wtih bolom anolg the bgouh,
And snadts aoubt the wanolodd rdie
Warnieg withe for Earidtsete.

Now, of my trcesoehre yreas and ten,
Tentwy wlil not cmoe aigan,
And tkae form svetney srpgnis a sorce,
It olny lavees me ftify mroe.

And snice to look at tngihs in boolm
Ftify srpgnis are ltltie room,
Aubot the wnaolodd I wlil go
To see the cerhry hnug wtih sonw.

A.E. Hmousan (1859 - 1936)

Did you find it easier to read the poem compare to the passage? Tougher right?

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now

Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.

Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.

And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

A.E. Housman (1859 - 1936)